So, last night there was a press conference held by Sony in which they discussed the future of Playstation and some other things about polygons that was about as interesting to me as going down a slide made of cheese graters.
Nonetheless, it was apparent before the thing actually started that I needed to at least find some way of watching the event. My laptop is about as dead as HMV, and I couldn't stand watching 2 hours of conference on an iPhone screen, if that even worked. So, last ditch efforts meant that I ended up on Sony's prime entertainment experience, Playstation Home, as it was the only way I'd actually be able to watch the conference. Having never used the 'game' before, I swiftly created a character that was notable for having shades and an Afro by default for some reason and proceeded to join the game's server to watch the event and get out as soon as possible.
First impressions were pretty simple - it's Facebook for people with no friends. Naturally, I fit in pretty well, with my Afro and shades making me look like some badass 70's cop and by extension, far cooler than I actually am. Controls were about as legible as someone attempting to write Chinese using only a Spirograph set and I ended up accidentally dancing for no real reason in the middle of the 'main square' area, which prompted some 'wtf's from the Playstation Home regulars. Evidently I'd embarrassed myself even further beyond actually being on Playstation Home to begin with, but after some guesswork I managed to Cha-Cha Slide all the way over to the 'Cinema' area where the conference was being screened.
Things seemed normal, people were sitting down on seats for some reason to watch the big screen, despite the fact you could just stand in front of people and block their view of the screen whilst watching (something I personally found hilarious). Similarly, this is where I found the chat box commands, and proceeded to ask random people "quesadilla" which again prompted very unusual responses, most of which (I think) were in German for some reason. Not even kidding, everyone in the cinema was speaking German which I think is a very poor local player matching issue or something, but whatever. As it happened, I may have been blocked by practically everyone in the room for asking whether everyone was excited for the big WiiU reveal, at which point I was greeted with jolly pleasant responses that had some words in that I can't reprint here. Ah, the wrath of the Sony fanboys.
So, anyway, things were going just swell 15 minutes before the show. Then the Combine showed up, as well as someone on horseback. In the middle of the cinema. I understand that a truly realistic life simulator is just boring floating in a sea of mediocrity, but... really? It definitely adds something to the whole thing (I'll call it an app from now on) but I can't help but feel it's a bit silly.
That said, I don't think it's supposed to be taken seriously, even if the people take it as such.
And then everything crashed, as the Playstation Home servers imploded on themselves. And by servers imploding, I mean the toasters with Java installed on them broke. Thus ended my time with Home, and as such abruptly ends this article.
Don't worry, it's not from a lack of enthusiasm. Oh, no - not at all.
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